“What do you want from me?”
Jason kindly asked me that question the other night while we were in the midst of a disagreement. Maybe you can relate, but this question is always a conversation killer for me. I rarely know how to respond because, most of the time, I don’t even know what I want! For some reason, articulating my desires or hurt feelings proves more difficult than being a body contortionist. Ultimately, I whisper a weak, “I don’t know,” and that concludes the argument. On this particular night I retreated to the bathtub (my favorite thinking spot) to stew over his question.
What did I want from my husband?
I had been feeling misunderstood by him which I internalized by assuming he was telling me I shouldn’t feel the way I was. Insecurity was birthed because I concluded that something was wrong with me that needed to be fixed before my husband could accept me (Disclaimer: these were all my perceptions and not what my husband had actually communicated!). Upon peeling back the layers of my thoughts, I realized what I wanted most from my husband was simply to work through my own emotions together as a couple. I wanted to know that he was on my team and that I wasn’t alone.
Immediately, I wanted to rush out of the bathroom and share my new insights with Jason. Yet, before I had even rinsed the conditioner out of my hair the Lord immediately spoke into my heart a truth that kept me in the warm water a little while longer. He pointed out that:
What I wanted from Jason was exactly what Jason wanted from me.
- I want to know my husband is on my team ~ my husband wants to know I am on his team.
- I want to feel understood by my husband ~ my husband wants me to understand him.
- I want to be heard ~ My husband wants to be heard.
- I want my opinions to matter ~ my husband has opinions that he wants to matter.
How true! The more time I have allowed that reality to sink in, the more convicted I have become regarding my own selfish agenda. I want my husband to listen to me, but I don’t take the time to listen to him. I want him to hear my side without growing defensive, but yet I am instantly oversensitive if his opinion happens to differ from my own.
The “What-I-desire-from-my-husband-could-be-the-very-thing-he desires-from-me” principle stretches far beyond the boundary of just this one argument. It can be applied to so many areas of marriage: sexual intimacy, communication, date nights, expectations, unconditional love, respect, laughter, finances, work schedule, and hobbies just to name a few.
I must begin to show my husband what I desire from him because chances are he is wanting the same thing. What a positive cycle that would create in our marriage!
Linking up with Thriving Thursday, Wedded Wednesday, Women Living Well, and Wifey Wednesday!
